When John opened his eyes in the sea-view hotel room at three in the morning, his body was falling apart. His ligaments were in meltdown, the gelatinous cartilage in his articulations was deliquescing, his flesh was turning to pap and any attempt to move sent a wave of nausea shuddering through his dissolving frame. His left hand detached itself from the wrist and dropped with a thud to the floor. His brain felt waterlogged and swampy. He was having difficulty breathing. He experienced no panic, only an extreme torpor or listlessness. When he later put words to this experience, he said he was quite literally watching himself drowning in himself.

His convulsions woke Janet.

This was their first attempt at a domestic resort holiday, some five years after the official prohibition of international tourism - all they???d really wanted was to ???get away from it all??? for ???a change of scenery???.  But his baffling attack was more than she???d bargained for. She feared for his life. She cradled him in her arms until the shaking stopped, then drove him to A&E in Settlement 357. 

A certain Dr Sharma carried out the examination and came back to see them after the scan. ???There???s no physical problem,??? she said. ???John???s symptoms are psychosomatic. Essentially, it???s all in the mind.???

???My God, that???s good news,??? said Janet.

???Not really,??? said Dr Sharma. ???In fact, rather the contrary. The mind is a very delicate mechanism, impossible to fix when things break down. This sensation of disintegration is alarming, but we???ve been seeing similar cases recently.???

???What???s going on, Doctor???? said John.

???There are several hypotheses, but increasing consensus that the dehumanising effects of anomie and alienation are the root cause of this behavioural sink. Emile Durkheim identified the syndrome a long time ago but it is only now acquiring the status of a clinical condition, based on the findings of the ethologist John B. Calhoun. Your somatic symptoms, John, indicate acute acedia and weltschmerz, of which you may be completely unaware in a conscious fashion. They are brought about by overcrowding, the dissolution of national identity and the body politic inversely sublimated - turned back, as it were - into the corporeal body, into a physical expression of a dissolution of personal identity. In short, nothing coheres. What line of work are you in????

???In security.???

???Ah, there, perhaps, we have it - or at least part of your story. The difference between a preposition and a negative prefix. Security, as a professional domain, is more accurately about its dark flipside, insecurity. That is, without insecurity there???d be no desperate hankering for security. Semantics, I suppose, but we construct ourselves out of language, do we not? You are certified indigenous, I presume.???

???Certainly,??? said Janet, taken aback.

"I see from your forms that you occupy an Echelon 3 Couple Unit in a largely exogenous zone.???

???It???s affordable,??? she said. ???We have no bones to pick.???

???Neighbours????

Janet and John exchanged a look.

???Over 450 in the unit,??? said John. ???We don???t know anyone. We don???t really want to.???

???Naturally any sense of community would be impossible under such conditions,??? said Dr Sharma. ???Impossible and highly undesirable, I should add.???

???We hear them,??? said Janet. ???We don???t want to, but we do. And we smell their cooking. It doesn???t smell the same as ours.???

???It comes through the walls,??? said John, wrinkling his nose. ???It oozes through the plasterwork.???

???There are people moving out, and people moving in,??? said Janet. ???We don???t know where they come from or where they go to. It???s partly because of the unit that we had to get away. It was my idea really. Just a short break. Now look what???s happened.???

Dr Sharma reached out to place a consoling hand on Janet???s upper arm, but she flinched back instinctively, then felt even more shamefaced about the situation.

???Universe 25,??? said Dr Sharma, ???all over again. Fortunately, we have caught this before it gets worse.??? She pulled out a pad, scribbled on it and tore off the top sheet, handing it to Janet. ???A prescription,??? she said, ???but not for medication. You are to take a taxi immediately to this address and ask to see the architect. Time is of the essence. If they say he???s busy, tell them I sent you and that this is a matter of the utmost urgency. He will explain everything. This is a new and experimental cure, but so far we have had a very encouraging success rate. It will cost you, but frankly, what price limit can we put on life and happiness????

 

Janet and John took the taxi in silence. It was the crack of dawn. A soupy fuchsia phosphorescence seeped into the sky behind the serried ranks of housing units. There were no birds but the Sentinel drones were out in force on high and could have been mistaken for such. On occasion, thought Janet, a little myopia goes a long way.

 

The taxi drew up in front of a towering black glass skyscraper emblazoned with a white Lotus flower logo and the name Elysium Inc.

At Reception, Dr Sharma???s name evidently commanded considerable respect. They were sent up to the 43^rd floor and, after a brief spell in a waiting room, greeted by a tiny young woman ??? a midget, in fact - who ushered them into a rotunda.  ???This is a Cave???, she said in her equally small voice, ???a Cave Automatic Virtual Environment.??? She placed them each on a central omnidirectional treadmill with optional handrails, helping them get their balance. At her behest, they put on haptic gloves.

???The architect will be with you very soon.???

She left, the lights dimmed and colour flooded the rotunda. At once they were in a gorgeous hilltop meadow, a shimmering stream in the valley below, flanked by weeping willows and tussocks of bulrushes and reeds. A roe deer grazed by the water???s edge. They felt the warmth of the sun on their faces. They could smell the sweet fragrance of the meadow.

???This is nice,??? said Janet. ???I like it here already.???

???So do I,??? said John, ???but mustn???t jump to conclusions. We don???t know what we???re doing here yet.???

???What we???re doing here,??? said a man???s voice behind them, close enough to make them jump, ???is what your hearts desire us to be doing.???

He moved in front of them, to one side ??? a man, or a three-dimensional image of a man, his grey body slightly translucent with holographic interference patterns. He had a perfect mane of back-brushed white hair. ???I am the architect,??? he said.

???Pleased to meet you,??? said Janet.

???Likewise,??? said John.

???I have spoken to Dr Sharma,??? he said, ???and am apprised of the main facts relating to your condition, John. It is very probable, Janet, that you are also incubating this affliction, but that the symptoms expressed themselves first in your spouse. However that may be, please rest assured that we can nip this disorder in the bud and lay the foundations of wellness and felicity hereafter, if you???ll excuse the mixed metaphor. I imagine you are already enjoying your new surroundings. It is a remarkably unpopulated landscape, as you can see, but ??? for all its beauty ??? lacking in shelter in the event of inclement times.???

He looked up and their eyes followed. A dark cloud was rolling out like a carpet against the sky, accompanied by a distant roll of thunder.

???We???re going to get a soaking,??? John laughed nervously.

???You need to get home,??? said the architect.

???Yes, we do,??? said Janet.

???But where is home???? added the architect, with special emphasis. ???Home is where the heart is. A man???s home is his castle. Hearth and home, home and dry. We like to be on our home ground and in our homeland. Home is where the chickens come to roost. Home is where the cows come at end of day. There is, we are told, no place like home. And yet ??? Janet and John ??? what is home to you? An Echelon 3 Couple Unit in a bog-standard, prevailingly migrant-peopled housing complex, Settlement 251. What???s more, ???home??? is hardly the word, because, my friends, you are suffering from domatophobia, which is the fear of home, and very possibly ??? since the two phobias often go hand in hand - oikophobia, which takes in the fear of household appliances, baths and electrical equipment. Your reckless wanderlust was the result, your visceral backlash to this malaise. Surely, to fear home is to divest that magic word of all its warmth and succour, all its home-sweet-homeyness, all its resplendent Gem??tlichkeit.???

???You speak like Dr Sharma,??? said Janet sheepishly.

???Dr Sharma and I,??? said the architect, ???are kindred spirits.???

???I wish I could understand.???

???We are here,??? he continued, ???to reverse that disastrous trend and to turn you into happy little homemakers once again. We are here to prepare your homecoming. You may walk.???

They started forward on their treadmills. The landscape moved obligingly around them with correct parallax effects and no incongruent sensory input from the visual system, the vestibular system and non-vestibular proprioceptors. It was an agreeable experience. The dark cloud overhead had mysteriously disappeared, giving way to warm sunlight once again.

???Where are we going???? said John.

???Home,??? said the architect, ???for we are to counteract imminent nostophobia, the fear of returning home. And as we walk, I want you to imagine it in all its physical detail. What is your dream home, your ideal home, Janet????

In an appropriately dreamy voice, Janet responded hesitantly at first to the question. A house it would have to be, not an apartment, but not an isolated house. Dangers were legion. However alien she felt neighbours to be, there was strength in a loose community of interest in times of peril. And so a house that cherished and cossetted their privacy, a clean house built of warm natural materials, with pictures on the walls, soft furnishings, a cathedral living room ??? high rafters ??? and a splendid but functional kitchen, with all modern robotics. Only one master bedroom - they had no children - but decorated in an ersatz Venetian style she had seen in a magazine. Janet continued in this vein, venturing into increasing detail.

???John???? said the architect, when she had finished.

John was quick to agree. Janet???s happiness was his happiness. He would need an office and a workshop, though. Could they have a heated swimming pool? And a nice garden?

Indeed they could???

???Let???s go there,??? said the architect.

At the foot of the hill they came to a gated community they hadn???t noticed before, with high, razor-wire fencing and a security guard at the checkpoint. John greeted him, being of the profession, and they were allowed in with no let or hindrance thanks to the architect???s impeccable credentials.

They came to a big modern house, ???their house??? the architect said, which corresponded with a certain exactitude to their prescriptions, including the garden. ???We like to make things happen,??? said the architect.

The door opened of its own accord and they stepped over the threshold. The sun streamed in through the stained glass windows that Janet had mentioned, creating beautiful puddles of colour on the floor. The scale of the living room was breathtaking. In the kitchen, Janet stood for a moment in silence.

???What are you thinking, Janet???? asked the architect.

???It???s too late, I know, but I was thinking it would be good to have a pantry. They???re back in fashion, you see.???

???Where would you put it????

???Perhaps here, next to the fridge.???

The architect waved a hand and a door appeared on what had previously been a plain wall. He opened it, and inside was a well-stocked pantry.

???Mr Magic!??? said John, impressed.

Upstairs, they viewed the bedroom and even tested the bedsprings with their haptic gloves. The views from the windows all seemed appropriate, in that one could see neighbouring houses but not see the neighbours, with no direct view into their windows or, of course, vice versa. The bathroom would not have been incongruous in a ch??teau, with gold-plated taps and an enormous claw-footed tub. Everything smelled clean and new. Downstairs again, they went into the garden and admired the pool. It was kidney-shaped and with a manmade rockery and waterfall to one side, just as John had envisaged it. They dipped their hands into the warm, blue water.

The English hurdle fencing gave a welcome rustic touch to the garden, but now it was John???s turn to look perplexed.

???What???s up, John???? said the architect.

???I don???t want to be picky,??? John said, peering over the fence, ???but the neighbour???s grass is greener. Is it a different variety of grass????

The architect produced a Pantone Matching System Colour Guide from thin air and splayed it like a fan. He singled out two colour samples. ???As you can see, the neighbour???s grass is Pantone 355, while yours is Pantone 377. Neither is ???greener??? than the other. They are simply different, with your own veering slightly towards an olive green.???

John peered at the chart. ???Could I have this one???? he asked.

???Pantone 354,??? said the architect. ???A very good choice. More luminous, and reminiscent of a well-tended golf course.??? In an instant, the grass had changed colour.

They continued their tour of inspection, inside and out, making tweaks and adjustments until everything was perfect ??? their ideal home.

???What will you call it???? asked the architect.

They joked about funny names for houses, such as Y Wurree, Tuksumduin, Tismaholm, Cowpat Cottage and Costa Pakit.

???Utopia,??? said Janet, as they stood at the garden gate, looking back at their own creation.

???I prefer to think of it as You-topia,??? the architect said, ???spelled Y, O, U. Because, you see, this happy valley, this little heaven on earth, this Shangri-La, is right here,??? he added, tapping his forehead. ???Nobody can take it away from you.???

John felt a sudden queasiness, reminding him of his terrible nocturnal delirium only a few hours earlier. ???Forgive me,??? he said, ???but how does this work? Is it a game? Or can you really build this place for us????

???Why should I build it when you???ve already done so???? said the architect, smiling at his own flawless logic.

???We designed it,??? said John, ???with your help. But we haven???t built it. Not out of bricks and mortar. Isn???t that your job????

The lights in the rotunda were gradually fading. The figure of the architect sharpened then blurred, flickering in irresolute resolution.

???Bricks and mortar,??? said the architect, ???crumble to dust. Windows break. Roof tiles fall. What you???ve created is imperishable, as pure and pristine as a Platonic idea.???

???But it doesn???t exist,??? said Janet.

???You can see it, you can touch it, you can move through it,??? said the architect. ???Your senses experience it as fully as if it were three-dimensional reality. Isn???t this, therefore, an improvement on so-called reality, a dream house where only you can live, far from the ravages of time and space? The mind, my friends,??? he added, touching his temples with his forefingers, ???that ocean where each kind does straight its own resemblance find. Yet it creates, transcending these, far other worlds and other seas??????

Janet looked at him doubtfully. ???We want it,??? she blurted. ???How do we get it????

???Sign up with Elysium Inc., and you can download your ideal home later today, as soon as you???re safely back in Settlement 251. True, you???ll need to keep on your VR headsets, but this is a truly immersive living experience, believe me. You can keep your home all to yourselves, or ??? for a modest sum ??? incorporate it into any of our existing game environments. Welcome home!???

The walls of the rotunda went blank. The architect was gone.

???We don???t even know your name,??? said John ??? but there was no reply.

The midget entered the room, helped them off the treadmills and removed their haptic gloves. ???If you???d like to follow me,??? she said, ???we can draft the lease-purchase contract. Most people find that the option fee and monthly payments are very reasonable. Getting value for money???s so important these days.???

 

De Nederlandse vertaling van Arnoud van Adrichem lees je in de papieren versie van DW B 2016 1.